Monday, July 11, 2011

Self-Restraint Is A Real Drag

What kind of adult sticks his arm out the window that far on the freeway? I was riding home from work and had serious concerns about the passenger in the car in front of me. Did he somehow manage to miss all of those educational films where the kid hanging out the bus window gets his head lopped off by an angry streetlight or passing freight train? And why isn't his buddy, the one driving the car, giving him a hard time about it? Were I driving a cage and my passenger started crawling out the window, I'd offer to just pull over.

Apparently, the drag induced by this moron's arm was significant enough to reduce the car's forward velocity as well. Slowbies in the HOV lane annoy me - the whole reason for the lane is to go fast.

But I'm nothing if not patient, and when there was an opening I did a little glide to the right and applied a bit of throttle to pass. The stupid passenger's arm was nearly in my lane. I had a wicked thought. A delightful vision. Here was an opportunity to make someone's day just a little more interesting.

I applied just the tiniest bit of throttle, so I was going just a little faster than the slow car. I got myself situated in the left side of the lane. I was about five feet behind the space-invading arm when I let go of the left grip and got ready to slap the back of this joker's hand. This was gonna be good.

At the last moment, just before it would be too late, I had a vision of this idiot screaming like a little girl, heaving himself back in to the car and hugging the driver for dear life, freaking the driver right the Hell out, who would then swerve violently and either crash in to me or the concrete wall to the left.

I decided perhaps I'd save the pranks for another day and put my hand back on the grip. I applied a bit more throttle and finished my pass without engaging the idiot. I don't think he even noticed me there, plotting a surprise.

I felt mildly disappointed for the rest of the evening. The prudent decision isn't always the fun one.